Curvy Girl's Guide To Social Events

I just read an article about how skinny women stay skinny.
When you are born curvy that entire concept is somewhat hilarious. But once you have accepted and embraced your curvaciousness (hopefully before you turn 20), you probably have no desire to even be skinny.
It makes for good reading though.

One of the concepts the article dealt with was what skinny women do when at social events and/or business functions. They all said they only drank water, or limited themselves to no dinner and 2 canapes.
Get real. Have you ever stopped at 2 canapes???

For those of us (like me) who have the desire to be a little less curvy, but possess absolutely no self control, navigating the social event doesn't take will power, it takes strategy. Fierce strategy.

So here's the curvy girl's guide to the social event.

1.) Wear the biggest lashes you have. 

Its a yin and yang thing - balance out what you've got in back with a little something special up front. If nothing else they might divert attention from your derriere (theory not quite proven, but has its merits), and lets face it - its just not a party without lashes!

2.) Wear the highest shoes you own.

Multiple great reasons for this one. The height of the shoe determines the curve of your back. In 5 inch heels you'll lean into your gait far more alluringly, will work your posture to its very best, your shoulders will stay squared, your ankles and calves will look gorgeous. And you will look damn fabulous.
On top of that you'll hardly drink anything as the mere thought of falling off those towering heels in front of the world will mortify you into submission.

3.) Take a handbag that has handles. (or that requires you to actually hold it)

A shoulder bag is too convenient, a clutch can slip fashionably under your arm, but a bag with handles will stake claim to one of your hands, and as such one of the twin devils of your demise is now out of commission.

4.) Get a drink that you don't like.

For me its Chardonnay. I don't like it at all, and I think it looks like urine. I can walk around all night with a chardonnay in my hand and not even sip at it. Champagne? That can be hard to turn down as it tastes so good, but just remember it gives everyone bad breath. Don't believe me? Go chat to a champagne drinker. Yuck.

5.) Wear a bold lipstick

Kim Kardashian in fuchsia lip

Bright, bold lips are sensational. So long as you maintain them. If you are eating and drinking they will start to break down and wind up looking hideous, so dial up a fabulous fuchsia or a bold red, keep both hands occupied and voila! Social event under control.

The other option, of course, is to just get out there, eat, drink and be merry, and start another diet tomorrow.

Or the next day.

Life's short, play hard, have fun!